Stop Leaving Things At The Feet Of Jesus
Surrender to love. Dare to trust God with your whole heart.
I had a nightmare that I was screaming.
In the dream, I was a young child. My body was suspended in a space, void of shape or form. Blackness surrounded me, not the kind you experience in a dark room, but the kind that paralyzes you, that has weight and presses in with negligent indifference. I strained for breath, my body trapped in a silent, suppressed anguish. Every strong emotion warred within me, sadness, fear, rage. With frustrated desperation and the last of my strength, I screamed for help. One, long cry, until the last syllable shook, and my final breath faltered and failed. But, the agony I felt most in that moment was not the suffocating darkness but the realization that no one was coming.
As far back as I can remember, I believed that my emotions and feelings did not matter.
As an adult, I believed that I had firmly laid down and left my life stories of trauma, grief, and loss “at the feet of Jesus.”
I told myself there was no point in looking back. That was then. I have a good life now. I have a good husband, a good career, good friends, a good dog! I go to church. I volunteer. I serve others. I could confidently check all the boxes of what it takes to have a good life as a good Christian.
It wasn’t until I had the courage to slow down that I realized I was running with the truth but I was carrying a lie.
I carried the belief that my emotions and feelings about myself and my story could not be handled or trusted, and I assumed that acknowledging them could produce nothing more than irreparable heartache, selfishness, or sin. By facing and naming the harm that had been done in my life, I expected it would only destroy whatever remaining goodness was left in my broken relationships. And, I worried the ensuing heartache and emotions would consume me. I did not believe healing nor redemption was possible.
For many years, I apathetically entombed my strong emotions and pain with spiritual platitudes and a detached reticence.
Count it all joy. Persevere under trial. Forgive and forgive again. Love your enemies. Take every thought captive.
Your heart can not be trusted. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
The lie we believe is buried under such a glorious mountain of truth, it has become entangled in our spirituality, its tendrils deeply rooting into the foundation of our faith. What we see on the surface is optimism and productivity, but underneath is a slow death of authentic love and grace. We are building on a crumbling cornerstone.
Our emotions and feelings were given to us by God, but we bury and deny them. Instead of seeing them as advocates compelling us to seek grace and comfort, we deny and hide them from one another and from the Lord.
In our pride and our effort to appear godly, we are not letting God attend to our hearts, and we are not attending to the hearts of others.
As we live in this broken world, sin in our lives and in the lives of others causes great pain and heartache, but we push it down and push on. In the meantime, sin is left to wreak havoc on our relationships, corrupt goodness, and separate us from the love of God.
This is exactly what satan wants.
But, this is not what Jesus wants. Jesus not only cares about our pain, but He gave His very life to offer healing and redemption for this sin that has broken our hearts!
When Jesus speaks of His anointing by the Lord and of what He is sent to do, He declares:
“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.”
~ Isaiah 61:1-3, NIV
The Lord cares deeply about how we feel and the wholeness of our hearts. When the Messiah describes the salvation He brings, He speaks of strong emotions and feelings! He speaks of comfort for those who mourn, providing for those who grieve, and clothing us in praise instead of despair.
When I took an honest look at the state of my own heart, I realized there were broken places where I refused to go, and I wasn’t letting Jesus in either.
I realized that along with all the other things I had chained up and left at the feet of Jesus was the redemptive power of the gospel.
I finally mustered the courage to sit down at the feet of Jesus and humbly ask Him to show me the things I had kept so well hidden from myself. I asked Him to reveal the broken pieces in me and in my story and to redeem them, to help me find true healing.
He sat down with me, and we started to unchain my heart.
I realize now that only through courageously and vulnerably facing our life stories of trauma, grief, and loss can we find lasting freedom and experience the redemptive and transformative power of the love of God.
When I dared to entrust Jesus with my whole heart, I found freedom.
I used to approach my story with a fragmented sense of self and deep feelings of shame and self-contempt. I am learning how to tell my story more freely, in all its beautifully-broken honesty. I am learning to have more grace for myself and courage to live more vulnerably and freely.
In this life, when darkness closes in around me and my heart screams, I don’t have to temper my spirit. My God is big enough to handle all of my strong emotions, and His ear is attentive to my cry! He will not fail to answer. He is already standing at the door and knocking. He is not a God that can not relieve my pain. He longs to redeem every piece of my heart and story, if only I would trust Him to do it.
There is nothing beautiful about a broken heart. But, there is great beauty in brokenness that leads to redemption. This is the power of the cross. This same power can do good work in our heart, when we have the courage to surrender it to the love of God.
Friends, if you are bearing the burden of heartache from sin and harm done in your life, don’t believe the lie. Lay down your swords. Stop leaving things at the foot of the cross. Jesus doesn’t want to just hold your pain, He wants to redeem it. He wants to heal you. Your freedom will come, when you have the courage to surrender to the love of the Lord. Dare to trust Him with your whole heart!
